Filed under: asperger's syndrome, autism, disability, success | Tags: anger, children, divorce, emotions, families, parenting, standards
The little girl is in the middle, where the anger of her separated parents meets and crashes over her like waves in a storm. What one parent forbids, the other allows; what one forgives the other punishes. Exposed to two different standards by the two people she loves most, what does she choose, when every choice may be wrong? Her parents’ anger in the absence of the other is directed at her, but what has she done? She is attacked for having obeyed her parent, unfortunately for her, she obeyed the other one. The saying of Jesus that, “no one can serve two masters” is particularly true of standards of behaviour, no child should be subjected to such confusion.
How long can a child be made wrong before she comes to believe she is inherently bad, before she comes to believe she can get nothing right? How many hours of criticism does it take to inculcate lifelong feelings of worthlessness? How long before she becomes as brittle and fragile as glass? How many problems for the future are her parents implanting in her unformed mind? Even an idyllic childhood leaves some scars, but a childhood lived between the casual and unintended cruelty of two parents’ anger, what scars does that leave, can they ever be healed?
The splits between a couple can become irreparable, but the splits are between the parents and the child should never be dragged into their argument. The anger that breaks a marriage can break a child, irreparable splits in a relationship may separate two people, but the damage the separated parents inflict on the child can be irreparable. No child should have to live her, or his, life crippled by the scars of their parents’ anger.
2 Comments so far
Leave a comment