Springingtiger's Blog

My Missing Twin

I was supposed to be a twin. In the early days there were two of us, with our own distinct heartbeats, in my mother’s womb, but only I was born. Apparently it is not uncommon foe a foetus to be reabsorbed by a mother or its sibling.I often wonder what my twin would have been like ‒ I assume her to have been female, I don’t know why exactly ‒ I wonder what her voice would sound like, sometimes I seem to hear her talking to me, and what she would have looked like. In a strange way I think I miss her, it feels as if she should be here, but she isn’t.

I have a younger brother who I love dearly, I wont say we are close ‒ I don’t do close, I do “out of sight, out of mind” ‒ but I think of him often. We speak on the phone a couple of times a year, he is one of very few people I do think about in their absence. I don’t intrude into his life, if he needs me he will ‒ I hope ‒ phone me. My wife’s family insist on keeping in touch with each other, which I find disturbingly intrusive, but I am not the best judge of what is normal behaviour in human relationships, and logically it is good for families to be close ‒ apparently.

I wonder if I might have been different had I not a missing twin, would I still be ambidextrous, and generally both sided, would she share my genetic challenges? I wonder what it would have been like to have someone so close that we could have shared our thoughts, someone like me. Above all I wonder, had she lived would I still feel the terrible sense of emptiness and missing that always accompanies me?


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