Springingtiger's Blog


Silent Depths (an uncorrected fragment)
July 25, 2013, 07:08
Filed under: Writing | Tags: ,

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“Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.” Ludwig Wittgenstein
Must one remain silent? But where are the words to be found to describe what I have seen in the silent deeps of night’s darkest hours? Can these things be confined to paper, or will the enormity of their alien insanity give them strength to break free from their material prison and colonise the unfortunate mind that beholds them? Would that I could undream the dreams wherein they found their form. At first they were content to whisper quietly in the shadows. Sometimes a movement breaking a moonbeam made me peer into the blackness. Had I known what I should at last see, I would never have looked, but, rather, childlike had pulled my blankets over my head and prayed for dawn.

Perhaps one should remain silent, surely it is kinder not to speak of those silent deeps. I say silent for their voices are hard only in the mind, there is no sound in those dark places, but even in silence with eyes firmly closed, their presence is palpable. If they are invisible still the cold damp touch of their fingers, if that is what they are, is inescapable. I lived in terror of their invisibility and foolishly wished to see my tormenters, it might give me some advantage. If unseen they were fearful, seen they stole away reason and any belief in the benignity of God’s creation. Indeed it became all but impossible to believe that any benevolent creator could bring such things into being, still less allow them to continue.

You may tell me these things are not real, they are just the stuff of nightmare, and you may be right. However I have seen and felt them. I have watched them slither out from my consciousness to whither I do not know, pursuing their own independent purposes. Are they my creation? Am I their creator? If so I am the Mad God. Perhaps my mind is just the door through which they choose to enter our reality. If I were no more would we be safe from their invasion, or have they already prised open the doors of other minds, perhaps in the asylum or the drug den. Hush close your eyes, stop your ears, pretend you are alone.

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