Springingtiger's Blog


My Thirty Years of est (Part One
September 11, 2013, 23:14
Filed under: autism, disability, success | Tags: , ,

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Nothing in this article is true, it is my interpretation of the truth, it is what occurs as true for me.

Thirty years ago I registered to participate in the est Training, some of my choices in life have been good, this was among the best. I had been going to write this earlier in the summer, I think I did the training in August and it would have been nice to have published this then. However I put aside this unfinished blog and forgot about it as I spent my summer on other things. Today I had some time on my hands as I did my ironing so I decided to watch “Transformation: The Life and Legacy of Werner Erhard”

My est trainer, Jane Downes, was not in the film, but several years after est I was on the first Forum in Leeds led by Randy MacNamara and he was in the film. When I heard Randy’s voice below, “Wake up, assholes!” I sat up bolt upright. I remember even having done the est Training I was still avoiding being responsible for my life, I can’t remember the specific context but Randy had suggested I might want to talk to him.
He always took his lunch away from the participants, it was his time, I thought it was the one time he would not want to talk, so that’s the time I chose to say, “when would be a good time to talk?” He looked at me and I felt he could see right through my act, my pretense of taking him up on his offer, I may have been right because his reply was simple, “Now!”

Up till then I don’t think I’d ever seen anyone who so completely lived est. I had seen Werner at an event in London, but this was face to face, close up. I had thought I understood the est training that encounter with Randy brought home to me Werner’s saying, “Understanding is the booby prize.”

I don’t know if I would be alive today we’re it not for the est training, I do know that est enabled me to take control of my life.  There are times when I still run my rackets, believe my own stories, but now I catch myself, and every time I catch myself, it becomes impossible to fool myself. One thing I have learned is that every day is to be lived in the now, I saw in Randy how powerful it is to live in the now. I did the est training thirty years ago and everyday I am in training, living in awareness, using the gift, not that Werner gave me, he didn’t, but the gift he enabled me to uncover within myself; rather I should say gifts.

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