Springingtiger's Blog

I Almost Did Not Journal Today

The last few days have been traumatic. The English voted to drag us out of the EU. Throughout England foreigners and anyone who’s skin or features identifies them as not being pure English have been subject to verbal and in some cases physical abuse. The right wing is rallying to control the UK and to protect war criminals like Blair by taking control of the Labour party back from its members and into the hands of the professional expenses claimers and friends of business, anyone who thinks they can turn a profit from being a Labour MP. It is all very depressing. Ho hum.

I woke up tired today. I woke up late. I woke up feeling unwell. Perhaps that is in part to the events of the last few days. I suspect it is more likely because of the instability in my left knee and the effects of the pain killers I am using to get by. I haven’t taken any today, but I’m still suffering severe vertigo. I felt so bad this morning I almost did not use my Daily Greatness Journal and that is an integral part of my morning routine.

In the end I reluctantly compelled myself to open the book and write. I am glad I did. Without journalling or some other form of planning it is all too easy for the hours of the day to drift by to no real purpose. An active decision to spend a day relaxing and recovering is one thing, but a day allowed to drift pass is a wasted day and does not provide the benefits of deliberate rest. A futile day is, in my experience, often the first step towards a recurrence of depression.

Making the choice to journal put me back in control of my day, of my life. Yes I am suffering a degree of physical inconvenience, however by planning I can still make my day both productive and satisfying. By proper pacing of my time and activity I can accommodate even a threatened migraine (why do these physical problems never come singly) the optical part has started, I hope I can finish this and lie down before any pain hits, and it might not, it doesn’t always.

The useful thing about the Daily Greatness Journal is that it presents me with prepared questions to provoke a response and enable me to set a context and intentions for my day. Even if my intention were to rest it would be a positive intention, my choice not a manifestation of powerlessness. As it is, I have stirred myself to phone for a doctor’s appointment (two weeks and not the doctor I want!), to doing a food plan for the week, some gentle housework, some research and now blogging. It had looked earlier as if nothing would be done.

Perhaps the best thing about journaling today is its effect on my attitude. As I have said it puts me back in control. By setting appropriately scheduling activities however light, and setting goals, however small, it provides a measure of accomplishment and even a small victory boosts morale. This evening when I complete today’s journal I shall have learnings and accomplishments to record and intentions for tomorrow. Perhaps I may have insights of benefit to society, I may even have ideas I can act upon to do my part of digging us out of the shit into which we have been dumped. Above all I will have optimism because I have proven to myself that I can keep going. One day at a time is enough for now.


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