Springingtiger's Blog


Sun News
July 25, 2016, 23:31
Filed under: Health, Scotland, Travel

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No, not your ‘soar away Scottish shite’. I’m not talking about about an alleged newspaper, I’m talking about the Sun, that big shiny thing in the summer sky. I need to explain that because there are people in the West of Scotland who are unfamiliar with the experience of sunshine. Oh they might recognise it in Spain, but in Scotland if they do see the sun it’s usually half hidden by clouds or accompanied by semi Arctic winds.

If you think I’m exaggerating you should monitor the news broadcasts. We’ve had Brexit and its consequent economic problems, ongoing troubles in the Labour party, the Tory leadership shoe-in, Nice, Turkey. However the one thing that has been well covered in the press and on television is that on Tuesday we had a whole day of hot sunshine.

We had another earlier in the summer and that got everyone excited too, the Glasgow Ubiquitous Steampunk Society were even photographed by a newspaper photographer enjoying the sun in the park. We didn’t get in the paper, there’s always some bird in a bikini or a wean with an ice cream dribbling down its chin to hog the limelight. Not that I’m complaining, or in the least bitter, not much! Semi nudity will always trump a bunch of overdressed eccentrics sweating (literally) for their art.

However I digress. It is a standing joke, a racial stereotype that the British peoples are obsessed by the weather whatever the weather. It is equally true that we are obsessed by the weather we haven’t got and round here that’s usually sunshine. The worst thing about any day in Glasgow that has more than a couple of hours of sunshine in the afternoon is that very soon everywhere you go you encounter the stench of burning fat. It is as if the sun triggers a biological imperative to barbecue.

It is impossible to walk through the park, actually it’s impossible to walk anywhere without encountering acres of bare flesh and I see little evidence that Glaswegians share the embarrassment about their bodies that their southern neighbours do. They probably worry more in Edinburgh, but they’re like that, Glaswegians are a breed apart. Needless to say by nightfall that bare flesh is well burned. It’s only the next day that most locals notice because as they brown they anaesthetise themselves with alcohol. So that’s a sunny day in Glasgow: barbecue, bare bods, and booze. The great thing is that despite the Bacchic celebration of Apollo the day before, its newsworthiness ensures that the Sunshine is all over the front page of their newspapers both to refresh people’s memories and convince them they hadn’t just dreamed it all.

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